Turning 21 on 29

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone!

I hope you guys are doing good because I am not. I am feeling confused lately between love and attachment. 

Like why it is happened? 

What should I do? 

Why people treated me like that? 

Turning 21 was good, alhamdulillah I still have my family and friends. Personally, birthday does not matter. I don't mind if people doesn't wish me. But if they do, I appreciate it so much. Maybe because I think that everyday is my birthday? haha. I love spending quality time with the ones I love. It means so much to me. More than thousand expensive things that you could ever buy. 

I am going home this week, celebrating my birthday with family? Yes, for sure. I really miss the home's smell. I miss everyone at home. Call me clingy I don't care. I realized that I rely on my family so much, I can't even live without giving a call to anyone. 

Nothing much to say but wanna thanks for those who stays, make my life better. 

xx

We plan, He decides

 Hi everyone.

It is my second day, I guess. I don't take my meals for the whole day today. I don't feel like it. I can barely eat anything. My stomach is full without eating anything. But I do drink water. I talked to Ipah, my classmate when I was in high-school. She validated my feeling. Yes, I should feel sad. It is valid. My feelings are valid. I know it might take time to heal, ugh again. I need to go to heal myself again? It is okay, I need to enjoy this phase. This sad phase. 

I plan, but He really decides. 

When something I dearly love didn't work out, I lose myself in the process. I do question the qadr. Why this is happening to me? Am I don't deserve to be loved? When I will be loved? Why everyone is dating here and there but not me? I get frustrated and tired. 

I will try to let my heart trust in His plans. I will learn the true meaning of tawakkul.

Once you understand the meaning of tawakkul, you will definitely be okay with things that are not working out the way you wanted them to be.

I need to learn to accept that sometimes, what my heart wants is not good for me. As time passes by, I can only give myself the assurance that everything is already written and I should trust his timing, for he made everything beautiful - in his perfect time.

All in His time.

Iffah Nadiah, you will be fine. Inshaallah. 

You are stronger than you think.

Signing off, 
Iffah xx.