We plan, He decides

 Hi everyone.

It is my second day, I guess. I don't take my meals for the whole day today. I don't feel like it. I can barely eat anything. My stomach is full without eating anything. But I do drink water. I talked to Ipah, my classmate when I was in high-school. She validated my feeling. Yes, I should feel sad. It is valid. My feelings are valid. I know it might take time to heal, ugh again. I need to go to heal myself again? It is okay, I need to enjoy this phase. This sad phase. 

I plan, but He really decides. 

When something I dearly love didn't work out, I lose myself in the process. I do question the qadr. Why this is happening to me? Am I don't deserve to be loved? When I will be loved? Why everyone is dating here and there but not me? I get frustrated and tired. 

I will try to let my heart trust in His plans. I will learn the true meaning of tawakkul.

Once you understand the meaning of tawakkul, you will definitely be okay with things that are not working out the way you wanted them to be.

I need to learn to accept that sometimes, what my heart wants is not good for me. As time passes by, I can only give myself the assurance that everything is already written and I should trust his timing, for he made everything beautiful - in his perfect time.

All in His time.

Iffah Nadiah, you will be fine. Inshaallah. 

You are stronger than you think.

Signing off, 
Iffah xx. 

I am sad, I do

Hi everyone. 

It's me again.

I thought I am in love yet I am getting ready for another heartbreak. I am well prepared isnt it? Iffah, come on this is not your first time. You can handle a two years heartbreak, I am so sure this time you could do better. I really hope that he gets his best. Thank you so much for those two months, I am beyond grateful and happy. I never felt that good. Ya, even for a while. Thank you so much. I would not find another, I promise to myself. It was nice meeting you after all. I really had a good times. 

As times passed by, you cannot bring everything that you have today to your future. You have to choose, even though the decision is hard. But trust me, it will be better to decide now other than you regret later. We are human, we made mistakes, we do confuse. That is why we need to go back to Allah, He needs to know everything. Literally everything. 

I am glad I told him everything about you. He knows me well. He knows me better. He knows the best. I can't wait for my future endeavors.

I would be lying if I say I am not sad, but that is what the consequences that I have to take. Feeling sad. He is fair. I know my sadness today will bring happy tears in future. I believe that there must be a reason why we knew and met each other. Where did I find the courage to go to meet you even though it was my first time meeting man that I knew online. He must prepare something for me forward. 

I guess that is all. 

See you later.